It gets sooo much better! I promise you that it does if you keep coming back and doing the work that is suggested. If you feel that way now, the possibilities are endless on how you'll feel later on down the road! The only limitations we have are the ones we place on ourselves.
I dont know if there is anything I could write to help with the loss and pain you have endured but I do know life does get better when we allow ourselves to 'feel' our emotions, give yourself permission to grieve for your losses and then understand the path that you were chosen on to break free from your addictions isn't going to be paved, there will be potholes, obstacles, challenges...but do keep pushing forward because recovery is something that is truly beautiful.